Here is a link to Associated churches and Ministries with Reformation International Ministries

http://www.rimnetwork.org/rimnetwork.content/HTML%20files/RIMConnections.html

Faith will come as you hear from Him. the Prayer of faith is prayed once but the prayer of fellowship with Him and listening to His direction is continual . He is always speaking we just need to tune in to what He is saying. . I like to do it this way.
I say while in a quite place. The Lord loves me and wants me to know. Then I shut up and write down what I get impressed on my heart and mind. Then roll it over in your mind and see what the reply does for my clarity of direction , Try it

Hey everybody!

First of all I must start out with a big PRAISE JESUS!!!
Yesterday morning I stepped out on to the back stairs to get some eggs for the kitchen’s meal ( a cake actually) and I leaned down to pick up my egg basket only to be BITTEN BY A RATTLESNAKE.
I immediately started to freak out. It was about 3 ft long and hand a grip on my right hand between my thumb and first finger, right in that meaty part of my hand. I slung it back and forth and hollered for Frank who was starting the truck. He didn’t hear me but Aquilino did and came running but when he saw what happened he was just mortified and stood still then started crying. I finally realized nobody was going to be arriving to get the hideous thing off me so I grabbed a machete Frank keeps by the door and whacked it in halves. It still didn’t let go! And I started kind of seeing pinpoints of light and getting ready to pass out. Frank then showed up and pried the snakes jaw off of me. We immediately started praying, and I mean I felt faith rise up in me like a wave because I think I knew that if the Lord didn’t intervene I was gonna be really sick or die. But I recalled how Jesus have us power over scorpions and snakes and started proclaiming that. Frank drug me inside and he sliced the wound and sucked out as much blood as he could and we kept praying.
After about 30 minutes, we were in the truck headed to town to get an anti venom shot. I was feeling cold and sweating and real nauseous. We got to Dr Vasquez’s office and Frank ran in and told them what had happened and that we had the snake in a bag in the truck,…………….THEY HAD NO ANTI VENOM. They called all the hospitals and none was available except one dose in Mexicali.

By then I had calmed down and we were praying with more peace. And i felt okay. Praise Jesus. We did order the anti venom but it would be 3 hours getting here so we knew we had to rely on the Lord.
I am so proud of My King and His Healing Power and Authority……………tonite I am fine, my hand IS sore and swollen, but not discolored and I have the anti venom here in our medicine bag. I never ended up using it.
GOD IS SO GOOD.
I am a little weak had a little nausea and dizziness but really no other symptoms. An dit was a great testimony! With Aquilino nd a few other kids seeing it happen word spread thru our area quickly and the indians started bringing me herbs and sticks and “curas” and I have been able to show them the snake pinned to the fence and my wound and tell them how Jesus healed me!
Pretty cool.
Being snake bitten has been a fear of mine over the years and now I’ve overcome it thinks to the Lord’s Power which is the same today as thousands of years ago! Never doubt that!

Love to everyone,
SD

The weather is warm here and supposed to be warmer tomorrow, so lots of little ones will come get their water. Each child under 5 brings their own 2 liter coke bottle for personal use, and those over 6 will carry a five gallon container or bring a jerry rigged milk crate/cart with wheels filled with 2 liter bottles. Currently, we are providing water (Yahweh is) for exactly 68 people. We know because recently, (two weeks ago) the Lord showed us He wanted us to start having the people /children sign for water just to have a record. So after years of willy nilly doing it, now we have an accurate record. The kids are ino it. They like making their little mark on a clipboard that hangs by the water tank…….. another thing is that they are so GRATEFUL. For the first time after years of doing this I notice that NOW the people stand below the balcony before getting water and yell, “HERMANO/A Can we have water?” “YES, we yell back, and they say GRACIAS YAHWEH, GRACIAS HERMANO/A” . Cool.

Anyway, in the past few days Frank is back beyond “normal”………………..now I just must help him not to supersede wisdom and go slow and receive his healing. I myself am out of fear and having lots of old families moving back “home” to Guerrerro and OXA and lots and lots of new families coming on in………………all looking for the “House Who Loves……..”
I am blessed to have so many new people old and young showing up as if they already know us. Evidently they have received a testimony from relatives and friends and that is evidence for me that the Seed is unstoppable
In an exodus that started about 9 days go, the remainder of Mario’s family is scheduled to go home to Copala OXA on Sunday. We have been spending lots of time with them as they say goodbye all week…….a long dramatic and painful for me anyway process…………………we will be taking Mario’s sister (Vale, Virginia, Marianna, and his brothers Irineo and Domingo to eat early in the morning and then placing them onto the “Gold Coast” Charter bus to Oaxaca at around 8:30am. We will not have regular church meeting tomorrow as we ll want to see them off from Tijuana.. They could leave from Maneadero here but in trying that they might get split into different buses, so we have decided to get them on one bus from TJ, so they can go together.
It is already sad. I wish I was almost going………………….. most likely some will eventually return but it is hard. I have known Marianna since she was 3 months old and tomorrow she will be carrying her own little backpack ( a garishly pink/purple “Hello Kitty” number) with all of her worldly goods encompassed. Walking on her own two bare feet. Little Marrianna! How can time pass so quickly??
Please everyone keep this family in prayer……………..that they will carry not just caricatured backpacks but the Word of Yahweh embodied in their little selves…………..the Seed Eternal which no one can stop.
Love to everyone at home, keep up the good fight of faith….in Jesus’ Name,
Sis. Detra

Wow. I am still really high on what happened yesterday. And MORE.
Demetria, a 18 year old mom of three, all 3 filled with Holy Spirit
yesterday, walked about 2 miles to the Mission today.
Why? (you might ask.)
Well, I’ll tell you. Her children, ages 4, 5 and 7 all received a big
dose of the Holy Spirit yesterday. (Hold on, read at own risk as it
gets wild here.)

She came here today asking for the “Explanation” again. She said they
have been talking to each other IN A LANGUAGE” she doesn’t understand.
And they have been like, loving each other ever since the Meeting
yesterday. She was ‘concerned” a bout the behavior.
Well, what does one say??
Really I know this may sound wild even for my Uncle Richard, but it is
what I am saying!!
Frank called me down and we called her upstairs and showed her in the
Word, in the book of Acts about the Holy Spirit and reiterated that
she should be not worried- but HAPPY. And she said , “Oh no you
misunderstand me. I want it too. What my babies have. Can I get it??
My husband is gone, (he is in Guerrrerro, to return until like
January next) and I feel weak and alone…….”
So we laid hands on her in Jesus’ Name. I didn’t ask for the
infilling or anything in specific, but she immediately started
speaking in tongues. And weeping alternated with laughter. It caught
onto me as well. (And according to me I was still “in recovery” in
seclusion from my big day yesterday, well forget
that.)………………………
It is day two in row of miracles for me. After a drought of what I
would say are really BIG supernatural movements /actions, we seem to
be entering another place.
What does it mean? Why now?? I haven’t been doing anything
special…………I would venture to say Ia hd even kind of thought
“those days” had passed for me. I had reconciled my life with that of
others I know who had seen great movements of the Spirit, then gone on
to live “normal” life.
Today, I feel again, strange, different, EXCITED, called and chosen to
be at least a reporter of what is happening here and hopefully more!
But , I more than ever must reflect upon the fact that I was saved by
GRACE. Yahweh chose people to intercede for me when I was yet born
maybe, or at least a small child. He sent people (you both) to bring
me the precious Gospel at the age of 6 years…………….which
makes me realize that I WAS BUT A CHILD (just like the ones we
minister to, live with……..yet He sent you on a trek across the
States to have me HEAR the Word. As a CHILD I was important to Him
even if apparently not so important to my own parents.
It is awesome because at times I think , “Here we are ministering to
almost exclusively, CHILDREN. What kind of famous worldwide ministry
is this???”
And yet, tonight I can say, it is something important. If Yahweh has
us here speaking to CHILDREN as I once was, they can go forth and do
things much bigger than I have done……and there is so much yet to be
revealed, and it will likely be these children or their children who
see those “GREATER THINGS” that Jesus spoke of…………….

Dear UNCLE RICHARD aka, “UR”…….,

HEY!! Today is not a “BURD” day. It has been an AWESOME day for the Church! It was so good it reminded me of the times when I used to hustle my rear down to the old payphone in front of the little market in Cantu at midnite to call you guys collect to tell you what miracle had happened!

I gave you so many $250 phone calls that you cut me off. Seriously! “This number no longer accepts collect calls”.

REALLY, TODAY WAS A DAY LIKE when I used to write to, “UR”.

So , I am dragging out your old moniker……………….we had such a great Meetings today.

We had about 14 adults and 38 children, most from 5-7, quite a few little toddlers, too.
The kids really got into worship during the praise before Frank taught, then Dania took them outside to teach them a Scripture and a new song becuse we had so many adults and Frank felt led to teach
the parents separatly. He taught about gossip and how damging and hurtful it can be and then on forgiveness and forgiving people who hd hurt you. It was good and the people really recieved it. When he was done teaching he called the little children back in . Dania brought them up front (around 25 of them) to sing their new song for the parents. These little barefooted indians preformed an adorable little song then recited John 3:16…………….they were so adorable. These were the littlest normally most disruptive boogers. When they finished and Dania started singing an adoration song, Frank and I just looked at each other and both of us said we NEED to pray for these children.
I felt the annointing so strong as I started walking up to this long line of little ones. They were lined out before the whole Church this row of tiny people and Yahweh showed me just that, very specifically, that I should pray for them-minister to them just as I would adults. I came from the front nd Frank behind them. I went down the line and lifted each childs tiny hands up to the Lord. As I did, I SAW the Lord sitting on His Throne, watching us!! His was seated but leaning towards us just slightly over Frank’s right shoulder, His Face was one of sheer delight………..I can’t describe it anny further, what He looked like now it is hard to describe. Anyway, I went back to the beginning of the line to the first li guy about 4 yers old. He still had is hands up and he was just CONCENTRATED , his eyes shut -head down, I heard clearly the Lord say, “Go ahead, ask me to do it. Ask me to fill them……….” real clear the Voice was and I tell you the annointing was powerful.
I did it. I did not explain anything to the child. He would not have understood me anyway as he spoke no Spanish, only Mixtec. We laid hands on him and I asked. AND THE LITTLE FELLOW GOT IT. Tongues just rolled out, flowed out like water that had been backed up a long time! The little guy was laughing a little , too. I wnent on to the next one and left that one just babbling away! I was about to fall down myself! And it was just the first kid.
The next kid, we just did the same things and he got it aswell. Filled with the Holy Spirit. This guy was 6 and he got such a dose as I prayed for him that he started to sway back and forth and his other came up and asked what I had done to him! Frank explained it to her and I kept moving down the line. Dania came up and stood behind the children I prayed for, not because I told her to, or because she even kne wwhy, she later said she just wanted to hear what was happening and just was CURIOUS. Thank the lOrd she did! The next child was a 5 year old, a teensy girl with pigtails and barefeet in bright pink pijamas, I placed my hnd on her tiny hed and said “Fill, FILL, fill her Jesus………..” I was praying in a normal voice, when I touched her head , I felt POWER go out, for real just like in the Bible and the girl collapsed like a sack of potatoes.Dania caught her. She was the other boy’s sister so praise God, the mother was already aware of what was happening and didn’t freak out!
Remember these people have never SEEN anyone get slain in the Spirit, it was absolutely electrifying the Presence in the room. Every child’s hands were raised, every adult was just almost mesmerized by the Presence and by what they were seeing. I went all the way down the line. Every SINGLE child we laid hands on got filled and spoke in tongues. Two more girls along the way went to the floor.
Dania asked me to pray for her and “get her the Holy Spirit”, her words. She GOT Him. She wept and wept.
It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen or have been a part of. It was like something you would read about happening in a tent revival.
Frank explained the Gift the children hd recieved to everyone together. The mother of 3 children who were ALL Filled asked us to pray for her to recieve the Holy Spirit and she did s well. She cried and cried.
It was so cool………………and we went from this super charged atmosphere to a joyful celebratory feeling of just amazing LOVE for EVERYONE. It was totally supernatural. For about 15 minutes there were NO tribal differences, no judgements, no critisisms……..I cannot put it into words very well, but just say that for a time every single child and adult there were full of JESUS. It was WILD.

I was (and still am) absolutely WIPED out and Frank brought me home, but he took 14 people out to eat tacos! He sys everuone hd a great time. He is just getting home from delivering everyon eback to their homes………………………he is super happy.

I am tired now , but I just wished ya’ll could have been present today. You would have hd such a joyous time!
I feel such a VICTORY took place. I do not know if I’ll ever see some of these babes again………………..they come and go…………… but I HAVE NO DOUBT their lives were totally altered today. And I know our God hs plans for future nd HOPE for them, and that is all I need to know.

And that is good enough for me!

Bless and Glorify the Name of Jesus Our King!!!!!!!!

Sis Deedee

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Excerpts from Dale Carnegie’s inspiring Book

Compiled by Richard Anthony

Six Ways To Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
   
2. Smile.
   
3. Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language.
   
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
   
5. Talk in terms of the other man’s interest.
   
6. Make people feel important, and do it sincerely.
   

 

Twelve Ways Of Winning People To Your Way Of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
   
2. Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.
   
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
   
4. Begin in a friendly way.
   
5. Get people saying “yes, yes” immediately.
   
6. Let other people do a great deal of talking.
   
7. Let other people feel that the idea is theirs.
   
8. Try honestly to see things from the other man’s point of view.
   
9. Be sympathetic with other people’s ideas and desires.
   
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
    
11. Dramatize your ideas.
    
12. Throw down a challenge.
    

 

Nine Ways To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
   
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
   
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other man.
   
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
   
5. Let the other man save face.
   
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
   
7. Give people a fine reputation to live up to.
   
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
   
9. Make other people happy about doing the thing you suggest.
   

 

Fourteen Rules For Making Your Home Life Easier

1. Don’t nag.
   
2. Don’t try to make your partner over.
   
3. Don’t criticize.
   
4. Give honest appreciation.
   
5. Pay little attentions.
   
6. Be courteous.
   
7. Don’t criticize her before others.
   
8. Give her money to spend as she chooses.
   
9. Help her through her feminine moods of fatigue, nerves, and irritability.
   
10. Share at least half of your recreation time with your wife.
    
11. Keep alert to praise her and express your admiration for her.
    
12. Thank her for the little jobs she does for you.
    
13. Dress with an eye for your mate’s likes and dislikes in color and style.
    
14. Compromise little differences of opinion in the interest of harmony.
    

 

Notes

Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wound’s a man’s pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment. When someone speaks harshly of people, say, “Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotions, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. “I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody” – Benjamin Franklin, became American Ambassador to France. It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men” – Carlyle.

The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important. Many people who go insane find in insanity a feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in reality. They have found in a dream world of their own creation the feeling of importance which they so deeply desired. If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracles we can achieve by giving people honest appreciation.

Almost Everybody Wants…

1. Health and the preservation of life.
   
2. Food.
   
3. Sleep.
   
4. Money and the things money can buy.
   
5. Life in the hereafter.
   
6. Sexual gratification.
   
7. The well-being of our children.
   
8. A feeling of importance.
   

One of John D. Rockefeller’s partners, Edward T. Bedford, lost the firm a million dollars by a bad buy in South America. John could have criticized, but he knew Bedford had done his best. Rockefeller found something to praise; he congratulated Bedford because he had been able to save sixty percent of the money he had invested. “That’s splendid! We don’t always do as well upstairs” said Rockefeller.

“Every man is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him” – Emerson.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Why should people be interested in you unless you are first interested in them? The road to someone’s heart is to talk to them about the things they treasure most.

Almost every man you meet feels himself superior to you in some way, and a sure way to his heart is to let him realize in some subtle way that you recognize his importance in his little world, and recognize it sincerely.

It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about. The first thing to learn in intercourse with others is noninterference with their own peculiar ways of being happy.

“I’m sorry to trouble you…Would you be so kind as to…Won’t you please…Would you mind…Thank you…This may, perhaps, be worth thinking of, gentlemen…you might consider this…do you think that would work? What do you think of this? Maybe if we were to rephrase it this way it would be better…It so appears to me at present…”

To make a woman fall in love with you, all you have to do is to talk to her about herself!

Everyone is hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. The child eagerly displays his injury, or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults show their bruises, relate their accidents and illnesses. Self-pity for misfortunes, real or imaginary, is practically a universal practice.

“Tis not love’s goings hurts my days, but that it went in little ways.”

Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? You can’t win an argument, because if you lose, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior, you hurt his pride, insult his intelligence, his judgment, and his self-respect, and he’ll resent your triumph. That will make him strike back, but it will never make him want to change his mind. “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you. When our friends excel us, that gives them a feeling of importance, but when we excel them, that gives them a feeling of inferiority and arouses envy and jealousy.

In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ, but emphasize the things which we agree. Keep emphasizing that you are both striving for the same end and our only difference is one of method and not of purpose. Remember the other man may be totally wrong, but he doesn’t think so. Don’t condemn him, any fool can do that. Try to understand him.

“I don’t blame you at all. If I were you, I should undoubtedly feel just as you do.” An answer like that will soften the most cantankerous old cuss alive.

Examples

 

How to influence people

The only way to influence the other fellow is to talk about what he wants and show him how to get it. If, for example, you don’t want your son to smoke, don’t preach at him, and don’t talk about what you want; but show him that cigarette’s may keep him from making the baseball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.

Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son one day tried to get a calf into the barn, but they made the common mistake of thinking only of what they wanted. Emerson pushed and his son pulled. But the calf did just what they did; he thought only of what he wanted; so he stiffened his legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture. The Irish housemaid saw their predicament. She thought of what the calf wanted; so she put her maternal finger in the calf’s mouth, and let the calf suck her finger as she gently led him into the barn.

Andrew Carnegie’s sister-in-law was worried sick over her two boys. They were at Yale, and they were so busy with their own affairs that they neglected to write home and paid no attention whatever to their mother’s frantic letters. Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he could get an answer by return mail, without even asking for it! Someone called his bet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a postscript that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill. He neglected, however, to enclose the money. That did the trick. Back came the replies by return mail thanking “Dear Uncle Andrew” for his kind note and …you can finish the sentence yourself.

The next time you want to persuade someone to do something, before you speak, pause and ask, “How can I make him want to do it?” Get the other man’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as from his own.

Avoid Arguments

(If you’re a Ford salesman) When someone says, “What? Ford’s cars are no good! I wouldn’t take one if you gave it to me. I’m going to get Chevrolet cars.” Say, “Brother, listen, Chevrolet’s cars are good cars. Their cars are made by a fine company and sold by good people.” He’s speechless then. There’s no room for an argument. If he says Chevrolet’s cars are the best and I say sure it is, he has to stop. Just agree with him. He can’t go on all afternoon when I’m agreeing with him. We then get off the subject of Chevrolet’s cars and I begin to talk about the good points of Ford’s cars.

Never tell a man he is Wrong

If a man makes a statement that you think, or know, is wrong, begin by saying, “Well, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.” You’ll never get into trouble by admitting you may be wrong. That’ll stop all arguments and inspire the other fellow to be just as fair and broad-minded as you are. It’ll make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong.

We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts. We are incredibly heedless in the formation of our beliefs, but find ourselves filled with an illicit passion for them when anyone proposes to rob us of their companionship. It is not the ideas themselves that are dear to us, but our self-esteem which is threatened. We like to continue to believe what we have been accustomed to accept as true and the resentment aroused when doubt is cast upon any of our assumptions lead us to seek every manner of excuse for clinging to it. The result is that most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do.

When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broadmindedness. But not if someone else is trying to ram the fact down our throat.

Raised Rent

When one was informed he had to pay 3 times as much rent as formerly. “I was a bit shocked when I got your letter, but I don’t blame you at all. If I had been in your position, I should probably have written a similar letter myself. Your duty as the manager is to make all the profit possible. Now, let’s take a price of paper and write down the advantages and disadvantages that will accrue to you, if you insist on this increase in rent.”

Advantages: You’ll have the advantage of having the ballroom free to rent for dances and conventions, for affairs like that will pay you more than I can. Disadvantages: First, instead of increasing your income from me, you’re going to decrease it. In fact, you’re going to wipe it out because I cannot pay the rent you are asking. I shall be forced to go to another location. There’s another disadvantage to you also. These lectures attract crowds of educated and cultured people to your hotel. That’s good advertising for you, isn’t it? In fact, if you spent $5,000 advertising in the newspapers, you couldn’t bring as many people to look at your hotel as I can bring by these lectures. That is worth a lot to a hotel, isn’t it?”

Kids

When 3 year old refused to eat. A bully next door kept knocking him off his tricycle. He was told if he eats his food, he could wallop the daylights out of the bigger kid someday. When he wet his bed, he was wearing a nightgown in his Grandma’s bed. He wanted pajamas like Dad and his own bed. So, when he got them, he promised not to wet the bed because his pride was involved. He wanted to act like a man, so he did. A 3 year old daughter wouldn’t eat breakfast. She loved to imitate her Mom. So, one morning they let her cook breakfast and she ate it, because she was interested in it, she achieved a feeling of importance, and found an avenue of self-expression.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

When someone returns at item to you, listen to their story from beginning to end without saying a word. Then say, “what would you like me to do with this product? I’ll do anything you say. If it isn’t satisfactory we’ll give you one that is. We are sorry to have caused you this inconvenience.”

A customer denied owing 15 dollars. After getting letters from credit department, he went to the manager and said not only is he not going to pay the bill, but he won’t but anything else from them again. The manager listened patiently to all he had to say without interrupting him. Then said, “I want to thank you for coming to me to tell me about this. You have done me a great favor, for if our credit department has annoyed you, it may annoy other good customers. Believe me, I am far more eager to hear this than you are to tell it. We’ll wipe off the 15 dollar charge, because you are a very careful man with only one account to look after, while we have to look after many. Therefore, you are less likely to be wrong than we are.”

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

When an officer warned someone about not putting his dog on a leash, and he was caught again, he didn’t wait for the officer to start speaking, he beat him to it with, “Officer, you’ve caught me red-handed. I’m guilty. I have no excuses.” Officer might say, “Well now, I know it’s a temptation to let a dog run around when nobody’s around.” “Sure it’s a temptation, but it’s against the law.” “Well, a little dog like that isn’t going to harm anybody.” No, but it might kill squirrels.” “Well, I think you’re taking this too far. Just let him run over the hill where I can’t see him and we’ll forget all about it.” The officer wanted a feeling of importance. So when you begin to condemn yourself, the only way he could nourish his self-esteem was to show mercy. Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?

An art director delighted to find fault with someone’s drawings. He gloated over his chance to criticize. “If what you say is true, I am at fault and there is absolutely no excuse for my blunder.” The art director started to defend him! “Yes, you’re right. But it’s not a serious mistake. It’s only…” “Any mistake may be costly and they are all irritating.” He started to break in, but he wouldn’t let him. “I should have been more careful. You deserve the best, so I’m going to do this drawing all over.” “No! No!. I wouldn’t think of it.” The artist’s eagerness to criticize himself took all the fight out of the art director. Any fool can try to defend his mistakes, but it raises one above the herd and gives a feeling of nobility to admit one’s mistakes.

Robert E. Lee blamed himself and only himself for the failure of picket’s charge. Lee was far too Nobel to blame others. As Picket’s beaten and bloody troops struggled back to Confederate lines, Robert E. Lee rode out to meet them all alone and said, “All this has been my fault. I and I alone have lost this battle.” Few generals in all history have had the courage and character to admit that.

During a course in human relations, a class wrote down criticisms to a certain man to let him see himself as others see him. One man was broken hearted because he was denounced for being too sure of himself, too self-centered, too domineering, an egoist, trouble-maker, and a communist. One of his critics ordered him to get out of class. Instead of denouncing his critics, he said, “Boys, I certainly am unpopular. There can be no mistaking that. It huts me to read these comments, but they are good for me. They have taught me a lesson. I long for friends just as you do. I want to make people like me. Won’t you help me? Won’t you please write me some more criticisms and tell me what I can do to improve my personality? If you will, I’ll try hard, awfully hard, to change.” He wasn’t faking, he spoke straight from his own heart; so naturally he reached the hearts of his critics. The very men who had denounced him one week earlier were now for him, His soft answer had turned away wrath.

Begin in a friendly way

Here’s a fable about the sun and the wind. They quarreled about which was the stronger, and the wind said, “I’ll prove I am. See that old man down there with a coat? I bet I can make him take his coat off faster than you can.” So the sun went behind a cloud and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew the tighter the old man wrapped his coat about him. Finally, the wind calmed down and gave up. The sun came out from behind the cloud and smiled kindly on the old man. He mopped his brow and pulled off his coat. The sun then told the wind, “gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force.” Friendliness and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than storming at them can.

Let the other fellow think the idea is his

Theodore Roosevelt forced through reforms which political bosses bitterly disliked. Here’s how he did it. When an office was to be filled, he invited the political bosses to make recommendations. If they chose someone he disagreed with, he’d tell them, “to appoint such a man would not be good politics, as the public would not approve.” Then they’d make another, and he’d say, “this man will not live up to the expectations of the public. Find someone more fitting for the post.” When they name the sort of man that Roosevelt would pick, he’d express gratitude for their assistance, and he’d let them take the credit for the appointment. He’d tell them that he did these things to please them and now it was their turn to please him.

A doctor was building an addition and preparing to equip it with the finest X-ray department in America. He was overwhelmed with salesmen, each praising his own equipment. But one of them wrote a letter stating, “Our factory has recently completed a new line of X-ray equipment. They are not perfect, we know that, and we want to improve them. So we should be deeply obligated to you if you could find the time to look them over and give us your ideas about how they can be made more serviceable to your profession. Knowing how occupied you are, I shall be glad to send my car for you at any hour you specify.”

This doctor never had an X-ray manufacturer seek his advice before. It made him feel important. The more he studied the equipment the more he liked it. Nobody tried to sell it to him, he felt the idea of buying that equipment for the hospital was his own. He sold himself on its superior qualities and ordered it installed.

Be sympathetic with other people’s ideas and desires

Someone made an error in an announcement over the radio and got deluged with indignant and insulting letters. One in particular was from a woman who he thought, “Thank God, I am not married to that girl.” He was going to write her a letter stating although he made a mistake in geography, she made a bigger mistake in common courtesy. But any hot-headed fool can do that. So he controlled himself, and resolved to turn her hostility into friendliness. After all, if he were her, he should undoubtedly feel just as she did. So, he called her up and said:

Him: Mrs. so and so. You wrote me a letter a few weeks ago, and I want to thank you for it.
She: (in a cultured, well-bred tone). To whom have I the honor of speaking?
Him: I am a stranger to you. My name is Dale Carnegie. You listened to a broadcast I gave about Louisa May Alcott a few Sundays ago, and I made the unforgivable blunder of saying that she had lived in New Hampshire. It was a stupid blunder and I want to apologize for it. It was so nice of you to take the time to write me.
She: I am sorry, Mr. Carnegie, that I wrote as I did. I lost my temper. I must apologize.
Him: No! No! You are not the one to apologize; I am the one to apologize. Any school child would have known better than to have said what I have said. I apologized over the air the Sunday following and I want to apologize to you personally now.
She: I was born in Concord, Massachusetts. My family has been prominent here for over two centuries and I am very proud of this state. I was quite distressed when you said she was born in New Hampshire. But I am really ashamed of that letter.
Him: I assure you that you were not one-tenth as distressed as I am. My error didn’t hurt Massachusetts, but it did hurt me. It is so seldom that people of your standing and culture take the time to write people who speak on the radio, and I do hope you will write me again if you detect an error in my talks.
She: You know, I really like very much the way you have accepted my criticism, You must be a very good man. I should like to know you you better.

So, by apologizing and sympathizing with her point of view, he got her apologizing and sympathizing with his point of view. He had the satisfaction of controlling his temper, and returning kindness for an insult.

Dramatize your ideas

A manufacturer of a new rat poison gave dealers a display that included 2 live rats. Sales zoomed to 5X their normal rate.

An auto supply dealer had a display for an indestructible spark plug. It was smashed up and down against a rock. 1000X.

Instead of giving data verbally about a study done on cold cream, open a suitcase and dump 32 jars of cold cream on top of a desk, and on each cold jar have a tag of itemized results that briefly and dramatically tells its story.

Throw down a challenge

To get a factory to produce and meet their quota when they were lagging behind, the big boss asked the day shift how many heats they made. They said “six.” Without another word, he chalked a big “6” on the floor and walked away. The next day, the boss saw the night shift had rubbed out “6” and replaced it with a “7.” So, the night shift thought they were better than the day shift, huh? They made 10 that day.

Charles Swabb said, “The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. Not in a sordid, money grabbing way, but in a desire to excel.” The challenge! An infallible way of appealing to men of spirit. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his worth, to excel, to win. The desire for a feeling of importance.

Begin with praise and honest appreciation

Calvin Cooledge said to his secretary, “That’s a pretty dress you are wearing this morning, and you are a very attractive young woman.” It was so unusual and unexpected, that the girl blushed in confusion. Then he said, “Now, don’t get stuck up. I just said that to make you feel good. From now on, I wish you would be a little bit more careful with your punctuation.” It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other man

When you want to call attention to someone’s mistake, say, “You have made a mistake, but the Lord knows it’s no worse than many I have made. I have been guilty of so many stupid, silly things myself. I have very little inclination to criticize you or anyone else. But don’t you think it would have been wiser if you had done so and so?”

Let the other man save his face

General Electric had to remove someone from the head of the department. He was a genius when it came to electricity, but was a washout as the head of the accounting department. The company didn’t want to offend him, he was indispensable and highly sensitive. So they gave him a new title of “Consulting Engineer of the General Electric Company.” A new title for work he was already doing. He was happy, and General Electric let someone else head up the department.

Give people a fine reputation to live up to

Someone hired a servant and told her to report to work, but he telephoned a former employer and all was not well. When the girl came to work, he said, “Nellie, I telephoned the other day to a woman you used to work for. She said you were honest and reliable, a good cook and good at caring for the children. But she also said you were sloppy and never kept the house clean. Now, I think she was lying. You dress neatly, anybody can see that. And I’ll bet you keep the house just as neat as your person. You and I are going to get along fine.” And they did. Nellie had a reputation to live up to and didn’t want to be untrue to his ideal of her.

A servant girl brought Georgette her meals. She was called “Marie the Dishwasher” because she started her career as a scullery assistant. She was a kind of monster, cross-eyed, bandy-legged, poor in flesh and spirit. One day, while she was holding a plate of macaroni, Georgette said to her point-blank, “Marie, you do not know what treasures are within you.” Accustomed to holding back her emotions, Marie waited a few moments, not daring to risk the slightest gesture for fear of a catastrophe. Then she put the dish on the table, sighed, and said ingenuously, “Madame, I would never have believed it.” Then she went back to the kitchen and repeated what Georgette had said. She began taking care of her face and body so carefully that her starved youth seemed to blossom and modestly hid her plainness. Two months later she announced her coming marriage with the nephew of the chef. “I’m going to be a lady,” she said and thanked Georgette. A small phrase had changed her entire life.

If you must deal with a crook, there is only one possible way of getting the better of him. Treat him as if he were an honorable gentleman. Take it for granted he is on the level. He will be so flattered by such treatment that he may answer to it, and be proud that someone trusts him.

Make other people happy about doing the thing you suggest

A mechanic was complaining that the hours were too long, that there was too much work, and that he needed an assistant. The shop didn’t give him an assistant, or shorter hours or less work, and yet he made the mechanic happy. How? He was given a private office. His name appeared on the door, and with it his title “Manager of the Service Department.” He was no longer a repair man to be ordered around, he was now the manager of a department. He had dignity, recognition, a feeling of importance.

A man had to refuse many invitations to speak from who he was obligated. He didn’t merely say how busy he was. After expressing his appreciation of the invitation and regretting his inability to accept it, he suggested a substitute speaker. He didn’t give the other man any time to feel unhappy about the refusal, but had him thinking of some other speaker he may obtain.

People don’t blame Themselves

Dutch Crowley was know as a “cop killer” who would “kill at the drop of a feather.” One day he was necking a girl in a car and a policeman walked up to the parked car and said, “Let me see your license.” Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a shower of lead. Then he grabbed the officer’s gun and shot him again. Crowley later wrote, “Under my heart is a weary heart, but a kind one – one that would do nobody any harm.”

Crowley was sentenced to the electric chair. When he arrived at the death house in Sing Sing, did he say, “This is what I get for killing people?” No, he said, “This is what I get for defending myself.” Crowley didn’t blame himself for anything. Al Capone, America’s Public Enemy Number One, regarded himself as an unappreciated and misunderstood public benefactor. So did Dutch Schultz.

Warden Lawes of Sing Sing said, “Few of the criminals in Sing Sing regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why they had to crack a safe or be quick on the trigger finger. Most of them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their anti-social acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been imprisoned at all.

If these desperate men behind prison walls don’t blame themselves for anything, what about the people with whom you and I come in contact? The late John Wanamaker once confessed, “I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence.”